What to Do when Someone Doesn’t Like You

When someone tells me, “I don’t care if people like me,” they are showing me the emotional wall they use to block the hurt of rejection.

As humans are social animals, all of us care if people like us. Based on the need for social connections, your reactions to rejection and negative judgment can range from minor hurt to breakouts of depression. 【小题1】

The first step to handle a negative situation is to recognize your reaction. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling?”. 【小题2】 Any betrayal (背叛) or embarrassment in your heart? Identify what feeling has shown up in your body, so you can choose what to do next.

【小题3】 When you sense yourself being shut out or feel defensive, ask yourself what the person actually means to do to you. Does he truly mean to offend you, or make fun of you? Your brain works very hard to keep you safe, so it will judge a situation threatening if there is any possibility of social harm.

When our brains sense a possible threat, we react as if we were personally attacked. Take a breath to relieve (减轻) the stress. 【小题4】

Finally, if you believe the person doesn’t like you, ask yourself if this matters. 【小题5】 If not, what can you do to release your need to be liked by this person? And, what can you do to stay neutral and not return the dislike? The more you can come to accept others as who they are, the more you can move forward with your goals regardless of whether someone likes you or not.

   When my son Rob came home from school in tears，he told us two older kids had beaten him up. Rob wanted to stay home from school so he wouldn't have to meet the boys in the future.

We called the school. “We'll be happy to call the boys' parents,”we were told.“And you should call the police.”

The next day was Saturday. Rob happened to look out the window and said in alarm,“There are the boys who beat me up!”Two older boys were standing in front of our house, as if they were waiting for Rob to step outside.

I immediately began to think of what I wanted to say to them, but my wife Bev acted first. She opened the door and said with a smile,“Hi, guys. Would you like some ice cream?”

They looked at each other in puzzlement. But they were children, after all, so they shrugged their shoulders and one of them said,“Sure. Why not?”

They followed her indoors and Bev introduced herself, Rob's younger brother Tony and me. She even introduced the dog Rusty. “And I think you already know Rob,”she said, pointing to our son. Her idea was to help them to see that Rob was a person, not a target. He had a family, he lived in a neighborhood and he even owned a friendly dog.

Bev drew the boys into a conversation while we ate ice cream. She said,“I know there's been some trouble. I think there may be a misunderstanding.”They nodded.

“Rob wants to be your friend,”she continued.“Maybe we can talk about the misunderstanding so you can all be friends.”

They nodded their heads in agreement and we talked. Eventually the boys apologized and said there would be no more trouble.

The headmaster of the school called back the following week and asked about the fighting. “Did you call the police?”he asked.

“No, but we've taken care of it,”I said.

“What did you do?”he wondered.

“We fed them ice cream.”

Signs of Healthy Friendships

Once in a while it's helpful to see if your friendship is as healthy as it can be. You might get used to a friendship over time to the point where you don't see the room for improvement. And since great friendships are priceless, you should always surround yourself with the kind of people who will lift your spirits, make you laugh, and remind（提醒）you that you are loved. 【小题1】 Here are characteristics that strong friendships share.

【小题2】

Friends make you feel comfortable with yourself, so you don't need to act like someone you're not. Your friends know your shortcomings and love you anyway. You are perhaps the "best version" of yourself when you're with your friends.

A healthy friendship includes plenty of gentle honesty. True friends won't pretend（假装）just to avoid an argument. 【小题3】As a result, you'll know where you stand with your friends and won't be afraid to share your true opinions.

They argue in a healthy way.

One of the biggest misunderstandings about good friends is that they never fight. But let's face it：everyone fights. 【小题4】 In fact, voicing your opinions freely will cause you to disagree from time to time and that's okay.

Healthy friendships mean you can be friends with someone else, too.

【小题5】 That's why great friends will improve your relationship yet still encourage you to meet people and try new things without them. A healthy friendship means that sometimes the two of you spend time apart, and that's okay.

   I live in an apartment building in a planned community, including private roads. I have lived in this _______ of mostly professionals and retirees for over three years, but I had met only a few of my _______.

After the _______ had stopped falling, we were left to _______ ourselves because the city and state services didn't work. I went out to the parking lot to dig out my and my girlfriend's _______. I took a large metal piece of my desk to _______ as a shovel. After about 30 minutes of digging, some of the neighbors _______ with snow shovels and told me if I helped them, they would _______ me. I agreed and we dug out each other's cars. The streets were _______ due to a state of emergency declared by the governor, so we had ________ to go.

As I said, I only know my ________ neighbor, one who is elderly. But we all (we were 10 guys, all together, in the beginning) put our heads together and figured out who was too ________ or too ill to dig themselves ________ and went about, as a team, helping them. ________ the day went on, more and more people ________ us, men and women. We became an army of snow ________. Our only motivation was concern for the people who were ________ and our growing friendship.

Everyone was concerned for each other. Someone asked me if I had enough ________ to get by. It was typical of the spirit of the day. I ________ a lot of friends that day and we were planning a party to be held at the club house in spring.

Kindness and ________ for others has countless rewards!