What to Do when Someone Doesn’t Like You

When someone tells me, “I don’t care if people like me,” they are showing me the emotional wall they use to block the hurt of rejection.

As humans are social animals, all of us care if people like us. Based on the need for social connections, your reactions to rejection and negative judgment can range from minor hurt to breakouts of depression. 【小题1】

The first step to handle a negative situation is to recognize your reaction. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling?”. 【小题2】 Any betrayal (背叛) or embarrassment in your heart? Identify what feeling has shown up in your body, so you can choose what to do next.

【小题3】 When you sense yourself being shut out or feel defensive, ask yourself what the person actually means to do to you. Does he truly mean to offend you, or make fun of you? Your brain works very hard to keep you safe, so it will judge a situation threatening if there is any possibility of social harm.

When our brains sense a possible threat, we react as if we were personally attacked. Take a breath to relieve (减轻) the stress. 【小题4】

Finally, if you believe the person doesn’t like you, ask yourself if this matters. 【小题5】 If not, what can you do to release your need to be liked by this person? And, what can you do to stay neutral and not return the dislike? The more you can come to accept others as who they are, the more you can move forward with your goals regardless of whether someone likes you or not.

   Here are four principles (行为准则) I live by. Whenever I follow these guidelines, I am at my very best, feeling productive and happy.

Devote time.

No matter how talented we may be, it’s wrong to think we can do it all. 【小题1】 The value of our achievements is greatly decided by what we spend our time on. We need to realize that every day we should devote the time to what matters and have the courage to let the unimportant things go.

Focus your attention.

Very often it seems that we just can’t focus our attention, even though we know what we should be doing, right? Resistance (阻力) makes us get disturbed by distractions.【小题2】 Developing a plan for overcoming resistance is important for maximum productivity.

【小题3】

We need to make a balance between work and play, between creation and pleasure.【小题4】 Even if we feel energetic to work long hours, the most effective long-term way is to hold ourselves back when we feel crazy and follow a proper pace instead.

Keep moving on.

More important than setting big goals is to just keep going. I know this goes against most of the “ set great goals for yourself” advice, but it’s what works for me.【小题5】 And it always made me more worried than it helped. Now, what does work for me is to think about how to improve my life and take small steps to make it happen.

   Everyone has moments of forgetfulness from time to time, especially when life gets busy.

【小题1】, having a poor memory can be frustrating. However, research has shown that there are ways to improve your memory.

Sleep on it

Sleeping well helps make episodic memories stronger. 【小题2】, especially relating to learning motor skills, such as learning to play a musical instrument or ride a bike. Having a full night’s sleep soon after gaining a new skill helps strengthen the processes involved.

Believe to remember

Positive thinking appears to improve memory performance. Researchers found they could improve the performance of people aged 60 and above in memory tests by presenting them with positive age-related words such as “wise”, and “sharp-witted”. 【小题3】. Brain scans have shown differences in activity levels in brain regions, according to whether or not individuals believe they have good recall abilities or not.

【小题4】

Memories can be weakened if the brain doesn’t have enough downtime to strengthen them. More than a century ago, German scientists showed that people performed almost twice as well in memory tests if they took breaks.

Stay social

【小题5】. US scientists who asked people in their 50s and 60s to do memory tests every other year found there is a slower decline in recall abilities of their most so ciable persons. Having good friends, volunteering and other forms of social engagement also protect memory.

Why you shouldn't punish your kids for lying

Getting your children to stop lying is challenging. There are many influences（TV，movies and video games）in which lies are common. Children see parents lie to others，if only to be polite. Most parents add to that with tales about the lives and activities of Santa Claus or the tooth fairy. 【小题1】

The most common reactions to children who lie are explaining why it is wrong and punishments. 【小题2】 Here are three better tools supported by research to use instead.

Give praise: You could ask your child to say something that happened at school that is true. When your child obeys, praise him enthusiastically. Be specific. 【小题3】 and give your child a hug or a high five. Aim for one or two interactions（互动）like this a day. If you happen to "catch" your child in a lie，say something like，“That is not true and could get you in trouble outside of the home.”

Act as a model: Explicitly（明确地）tell the truth. This could be about something that happened when you were a child or something that happened during the day. It need not be dramatic. Another option is to play a game at dinner. Each person tells one thing that was true that day. Again，give a little praise to the child who normally lies if she plays along.

Decrease punishments and moralizing（说教）：They are unlikely to change behavior or develop the conduct you want. 【小题4】 Rather，use very mild punishments（light scolding，short loss of privileges，a brief timeout）. More severe punishments（shouting，taking away something for a week，hitting）are not more effective in actually changing the frequency of lying.

【小题5】 Usually they can be dropped by then. It is unlikely that lying will be completely removed，but with the right encouragement，it can be dramatically lessened.