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I live in the land of Disney, Hollywood. You may think people in such an attractive and exciting, fun-filled place are happier than others. If so, you have some mistaken ideas about the nature of happiness.
Many intelligent people still consider happiness equal to fun. The truth is that fun and happiness have little or nothing in common. Fun is what we experience during an act. Happiness is what we experience after an act. It is a deeper, more lasting emotion.
Going to an amusement park or ball game, watching a movie or television, are fun activities that help us relax, temporarily forget our problems and maybe even laugh. But they do not bring happiness, because their positive effects end when the fun ends.
I have often thought that if Hollywood stars have a role to play, it is to teach us that happiness has nothing to do with fun. These rich, beautiful people have constant access to glamorous parties, fancy cars, expensive homes, everything that brings “happiness”. But in memoir after memoir, famous people expose the unhappiness hidden beneath all their fun — depression, alcoholism, drug addiction, broken marriages, troubled children and extreme loneliness.
Ask an unmarried man why he refuses to get married even though he finds dating to be less and less satisfying. If he's honest, he will tell you that he is afraid of making a commitment. For commitment is in fact quite painful. The single life is filled with fun, adventure and excitement. Marriage has such moments, but they are not its most distinguishing features.
Similarly, couples that choose not to have children are deciding in favor of painless fun over painful happiness. They can dine out whenever they want and sleep as late as they want. Couples with babies are lucky to get a whole night's sleep or a three-day vacation. I don't know any parent who would choose the word fun to describe raising children.
The way people stick to the belief that a fun-filled, pain-free life equals happiness actually reduces their chances of ever achieving real happiness. If fun and pleasure are equal to happiness, then pain must be equal to unhappiness. As a result, they fear the pain unavoidably brought by such things as marriage, raising children, professional achievement, religious commitment and self-improvement.
But, in fact, the opposite is true. More times than not, things that lead to happiness involve some pain. The very efforts are the source of true happiness. Understanding and accepting that true happiness has nothing to do with fun is one of the most liberating realizations we can ever come to.
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