I’m David and I’ve been living in the United States for over ten years, and I now say thank you about 50 times a day. Often I do it without thinking. I say thank you to the cashier at the coffee shop. I say thank you to my wife and my 5-year-old daughter several times a day for different things. When I first moved to the United States, I didn’t know I was supposed to thank someone who took my money for something I bought at a store. I had no idea I was supposed to thank people when they asked how I was doing.

I grew up in the northern Indian city of Lucknow, in a culture in which saying thank you is not done lightly. I learned to say thank you in English when I was in elementary school. And when I thanked anyone, I said it in English, which was less embarrassing and more casual than doing so in Hindi. I saved my thanks for those who had done huge favors for me. And I didn’t thank my friends or classmates very often. When I did, they regarded the act as a playful way to practise English.

Saying dhanyavaad, or thank you in Hindi, to someone without looking at him or her is just as good as not saying it at all. As a kid, I heard my father say dhanyavaad to people of his age, and he did it as seriously as possible, with his hands joined in front of his chest. He wasn’t just thanking someone for something, but asking for an opportunity to return the favor.

Now, when I travel to India, I often upset people by saying thank you to them. On a recent trip home, I was invited to my uncle’s house for dinner. He’s been a father figure to me, teaching me many things at every step of my life. That day, I made the mistake of telling him, in English, “Thank you for inviting me” before leaving his house. He didn’t respond, but I saw he was unhappy. I couldn’t even apologize for thanking him. The damage was done.

Different countries and different people have different manners. We must find out their customs, so that they will not think us ill-mannered.