There are good reasons to value our friendships.Some years ago a public-opinion research firm,Roper Starch Worldwide,asked 2007 people to name one or two things that said the most about themselves.Friends far outranked homes jobs, clothes and cars.

    “Ironically,” says Brant R.Burleson, professor of communication at Purdue University in West Lafayette, Ind., “the better friends you are, the more likely you'll face conflicts.” And the outcome can be what you don't want—an end to the relationship.

    The good news is that most troubled friendships can be mended.

    Swallow your pride. It wasn't easy, but that's what Denise Moreland of Hickam Air Force Base in Hawaii did when a friendship turned sour.For nearly four months,Moreland,45,had watched over Nora Huizenga's two young daughters, who were living with their father on the base,while Huizenga,40,completed training as a dental hygienist in Nevada.“I felt honored to be asked to step in,” Moreland says.

    “When Huizenga returned at Christmas,” Moreland recalls,“I had so much to tell her, but she never called.”

    One daughter had a birthday party, but Moreland wasn't invited. “I felt like I'd been used,” she says.At first, Moreland swore to avoid Huizenga.Then she decided to swallow her pride and let her friend know how she felt. Huizenga admitted that she'd been so worried about being separated from her family that she'd been blind to what her friend had done to help her. Today she says, “I would never have figured out what happened if Denise hadn't called me on it.”

    When a friend hurts you, your instinct is to protect yourself.But that makes it harder to solve problems,explains William Wilmot,author of Relational Communication.“Most of us are relieved when differences are brought out in the open.”

    Apologize when you're wrong—even if you've also been wronged.But over the course of a friendship, even the best people make mistakes. “We don't think clearly when we're arguing,” says Michael Lang,a professional mediator (调解人) in Pittsburgh. Instead, says Lang, ask: “What's going on? This doesn't make sense.”

    See things from your friend's point of view. Sociologists Rebecca Adams Rosemary and Blieszner interviewed 53 adults who each had many friendships lasting decades. “We were curious how these people managed to sustain strong friendships for so long,” says Blieszner. Tolerance is key, the researchers learned.” It's surprising how often a dispute results from a simple misunderstanding,” adds psychotherapist Anne Frenkel.

    Accept that friendships change. “Friendships change as our needs and lifestyles change,” Wilmot observes.

    Making friends can sometimes seem easy,says Yager.The hard part is keeping the connections strong during the natural ups and downs that affect all relationships.Her suggestion: Consider friendship an honor and a gift,and worth the effort to treasure and nurture.

美国是一个移民国家，下列美国公民中祖籍属于亚洲的是（  ）

    “让居民望得见山、看得见水、记得住乡愁”，这是以人为核心的新型城镇化建设的要求，也戳中了一些地方城镇化的软肋。一些乡村在变为城镇的过程中，虽然面貌焕然一新，但很多曾经让人留恋的东西却荡然无存。人们或多或少有这样的担忧：快速的、大规模的城镇化会不会使“乡愁”无处安放？要在城镇化进程中留住乡愁，不让“乡愁”变成“乡痛”，一个重要措施是要留住、呵护并活化乡村记忆。

    乡村记忆是乡愁的载体，主要包括两个方面：一方面是物质文化的记忆，如日常生活用品、公共活动场所、传统民居建筑等“记忆场所”；另一方面是非物质文化记忆，如村规民约、传统习俗、传统技艺以及具有地方特色的生产生活模式等。乡村物质文化记忆与非物质文化记忆常常相互融合渗透，构成一个有机整体。这些乡村记忆是人们认知家园空间、乡土历史与传统礼仪的主要载体。在城镇化的过程中留住他们，才能留住乡愁。这实质上是对人的情感的尊重。至于哪些乡村记忆真正值得保留，这一方面可以借助一些科学的评价体系进行合理的评估，另一方面可以广泛听取民意，然后进行综合甄选。在新型城镇化建设过程中，需要做好这方面的前期规划。

    仅仅留住乡村记忆而不进行呵护，乡村记忆会逐渐失去原有魅力。呵护乡村记忆，使其永葆“温度”，就要对相关记忆场所做好日常维护工作，为传统技艺传承人延续传统技艺创造条件，保持乡村传统活动的原有品质。比如，对一些乡土景观、农业遗产、传统生产设施与生产方法等有意识地进行整理维护。对于乡村中的集体记忆场所，如村落的祠堂、乡村的入口、议事亭、祭祀场所等，不可因为城镇化就让其全部消亡，而应对这些承载着人的情感和记忆的场所定期维修。既要让当地居民生产生活更为方便，又要让游子在故乡找到依恋感与归属感。

    如果说留住和呵护乡村记忆是一种消极型的留住乡愁的话，那么，活化乡村记忆则是一种积极型的留住乡愁。活化乡村记忆，就是在新型城镇化进程中深度挖掘乡村记忆与乡村传统产业，进行精细化、产业化升级，将“文”“人”“居”与“产”融合在一起，让原来的乡村记忆在新型城镇化进程中充满生机活力。这需要相应的公共设施与之配套，需要发展教育、医疗、商业、娱乐休闲产业等，使乡村记忆在新的时空条件下产生新的凝聚力。

（摘编自陆邵明《留住乡愁》