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秋天的怀念

史铁生

    ①双腿瘫痪后,我的脾气变得暴怒无常。望着望着天上北归的雁阵,我会突然把面前的玻璃砸碎;听着听着李谷一甜美的歌声,我会猛地把手边的东西摔向四周的墙壁。母亲就悄悄地躲出去,在我看不见的地方偷偷地听着我的动静。当一切恢复沉寂,她又悄悄地进来,眼边红红的,看着我。“听说北海的花儿都开了,我推着你去走走。”她总是这么说。母亲喜欢花,可自从我的腿瘫痪后,她侍弄的那些花都死了。“不,我不去!”我狠命地捶打这两条可恨的腿,喊着:“我活着有什么劲!”母亲扑过来抓住我的手,忍住哭声说:“咱娘儿俩在一块儿,好好儿活,好好儿活……”

    ②可我却一直都不知道,她的病已经到了那步田地。后来妹妹告诉我,她常常肝疼得整宿整宿翻来覆去地睡不了觉。

    ③那天我又独自坐在屋里,看着窗外的树叶“唰唰啦啦”地飘落。母亲进来了,挡在窗前:“北海的菊花开了,我推着你去看看吧。”她憔悴的脸上现出央求般的神色。“什么时候?”“你要是愿意,就明天?”她说。我的回答已经让她喜出望外了。“好吧,就明天。”我说。她高兴得一会坐下,一会站起:“那就赶紧准备准备。”“唉呀,烦不烦?几步路,有什么好准备的!”她也笑了,坐在我身边,絮絮叨叨地说着:“看完菊花,咱们就去‘仿膳’,你小时候最爱吃那儿的豌豆黄儿。还记得那回我带你去北海吗?你偏说那杨树花是毛毛虫,跑着,一脚踩扁一个……”她忽然不说了。对于“跑”和“踩”一类的字眼儿。她比我还敏感。她又悄悄地出去了。

    ④她出去了。就再也没回来。

    ⑤邻居们把她抬上车时,她还在大口大口地吐着鲜血。我没想到她已经病成那样。看着三轮车远去,也绝没有想到那竟是永远的诀别。

    ⑥邻居的小伙子背着我去看她的时候,她正艰难地呼吸着,像她那一生艰难的生活。别人告诉我,她昏迷前的最后一句话是:“我那个有病的儿子和我那个还未成年的女儿……”

    ⑦又是秋天,妹妹推我去北海看了菊花。黄色的花淡雅、白色的花高洁、紫红色的花热烈而深沉,泼泼洒洒,秋风中正开得烂漫。我懂得母亲没有说完的话。妹妹也懂。我俩在一块儿,要好好儿活……

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    I was working the overnight shift in a remote hospital in the Rocky Mountains. Late in the evening, a young African teenager was brought into the emergency department. He lived at sea level and had never been in the mountains. After skiing all day, he felt really ill. Everyone assumed it was altitude sickness.

    He was sweating and had abdominal (腹部的) pain. His heart rate increased. We sent off his lab work, and his blood sugar came back at almost 600 — normal is less than 100. His platelets (血小板), necessary for stopping bleeding, came in at 10,000; they should have been over 150,000. I did an ultrasound of his abdomen, and it looked like his belly was full of blood. This wasn't altitude sickness. And in the short time I'd been trying to figure out what was wrong, he was getting sicker. The friends he was traveling with were terrified, and rightly so.

    The mystery was finally solved with an old-fashioned microscope. When we looked at his blood, we saw some sickled (镰形的) red blood cells. That's how we were able to diagnose sickle cell trait. If you have sickle cell trait — which means you got the sickle cell gene from just one parent instead of two — you have no symptoms at low altitude, but high altitude can sometimes cause the red blood cells to turn into sickle shapes and take oxygen from vital organs. This teenager didn't know he had it, but the effect of the altitude on his blood cells was so extreme that after just a short time in the mountains, he suffered great pain.

    He needed platelets immediately, but we didn't have enough at the remote hospital. And there was a snowstorm, so the medical helicopters couldn't fly. It was a scary night. Just as we were abandoning all hope, we met an ambulance that drove halfway up from the city with blood products and transferred him to the city hospital for emergency surgery. The story has a happy ending: He recovered fully.