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“鸡汤”与“反鸡汤”

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       ①“当你觉得自己又丑又穷一无是处时,别绝望,因为至少你的判断还是对的。”“很多时候你不逼自己一把,你就不知道自己还有能把事情搞砸的本事。”与在朋友圈上泛滥的心灵鸡汤相比,这些专门调侃“鸡汤”的“反鸡汤”段子如今在网上越来越流行,它们常常以犀利的言辞,劈头浇人一瓢冷水,让不少人大呼“中枪”。

       ②“鸡汤”与“反鸡汤”,如今在网络上逐渐成为一种现象。有的人在朋友圈里乐此不疲地转发各式各样的鸡汤,有的人则对这些嗤之以鼻,更有人专门对心灵鸡汤进行调侃、解构、证伪,成为坚定的“反鸡汤党”。

       ③仔细观察“反鸡汤”对“鸡汤”的“反动”,可以发现一个有趣的现象:双方最喜欢在如何面对自身失败的问题上“较劲”:当你“又丑又穷”时,鸡汤劝你只要努力就能“迎娶白富美”,反鸡汤则告诉你休想做白日梦;当你没有把握时,鸡汤鼓励你“你是最棒的”,反鸡汤则会说“先掂量掂量自己吧”——“鸡汤”喜欢进行心理按摩,要你相信自己能够成功,“反鸡汤”则喜欢给你当头一棒,要你认清现实。

       ④人人都害怕失败,这是人的天性。每个人也都对失败的程度、次数有一个阈值,超过这个阈值,人会变得沮丧和失望,进而趋向于放弃。美国心理学家塞利格曼曾提出一个“习得性无助”的概念,他用狗作了一项实验:起初把狗关在笼子里,只要铃声一响,就对它进行电击,狗关在笼子里逃避不了电击,多次实验后,铃声一响,还没进行电击,狗就伏倒在地开始呻吟和颤抖,即使把笼门打开,狗也不会逃走了。本来可以主动地逃离,却绝望地等待痛苦的来临——这就是“习得性无助”。心理学证明,人在长期面对失败时,也常常会“习得性无助”,而这时,人们最需要的其实不是面对失败“如何解决”,而是“如何相信自己可以解决”,这也正是心灵鸡汤大有市场的原因。

       ⑤其实,人人都有需要“鸡汤”的时候,大多数人在人生的某个阶段,都曾被某种温暖的“鸡汤”触动、激励过。在最虚弱的时候,喝一口“鸡汤”补一补,确实有“强身健体”的效果。只不过,当我们喝下这些咕嘟咕嘟冒着热气的心灵鸡汤时,也不应忘却现实处境,找到解决方法,正如有网友所说:心灵鸡汤并不可怕,可怕的是有人喝了一万碗鸡汤后,却还在为每天早点起床天人交战。

       ⑥所以,“鸡汤”虽好,可不要贪杯哦。如果欲罢不能,还请再干一碗“反鸡汤”

                                                                                                                                                                  (选自《人民日报》2016年10月11日)

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    There have been big changes in the attitudes of most parents over the last few years. Physical punishment is banned(被禁止) in schools in most countries, and in many countries, there are moves to ban all physical punishment of children even at home. However, many parents still believe that they have the right to use some physical punishments to deal with certain misbehavior at certain ages.

    It's easy to find reasons to allow some physical punishments. One issue is that many parents find it very difficult to give up physical punishment completely. Parents argue that this was the way they were brought up and that it didn't do any harm to them. They believe that for the child's sake they have the right to discipline (惩罚) the child in any way they consider fit, including using some physical punishments. The other one is that physical punishment can be quick and effective. There is not much point reasoning with a screaming child in the supermarket.

    However, there are several reasons why we should stop using physical punishment. One point is that most parents are not trained to deal with misbehaving children. They don't have enough resources or choices to handle the situation. As a result, they immediately react by hitting the child even if there are other solutions to the problem. Another point is that unless people are challenged or forced to change their belief, they may keep following negative habits. An example is seat belt use — now most people wear seat belts without thinking, while years ago the idea of using seat belts was strange to most people. In the same way, banning physical punishment will force people to change their habits.

    In conclusion, parents have to change some of their belief and ideas about how children should be raised. It is possible to avoid the use of physical force, and doing so will help us move closer to the dream of removing violence from our society.