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自秦淮河上寻桨声

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    最早对秦淮河的认识,缘于杜牧的《泊秦淮》。在我的印象中,秦淮河与风月,与商女、人家、诗人是裹挟在一块的。

    我想象的秦淮河,两岸的酒家肯定是要有的,软软的吴歌也肯定是要有的,即便是艳俗的女子也可以是有的,而每个酒家门前肯定也飘摇着一方旌旗或是几枚灯笼,打着诱人的“秦淮人家”字样,吸引着天下来客;临河的窗边最好有一扇窗开着,窗台上吊一盏小灯,供着一盆兰花或茶花,或倚着一个婉约的江南女子,如果没有女子倚窗,则要有吴歌从窗里飘逸出来,迷得游船上的才子、公子们船舱探头,引颈项觅美人。而秦淮河的水呢,必定是清澈见底,甚至可见鱼虾追逐,船从如镜的水面划过,划出一道清波,清波在逶迤的灯光下闪烁着片片粼光;天上有一轮孤月随着船走,船窗里有三两个知己男女,或抚琴或轻歌,或饮酒或品茗,或叙情或抒怀,尽说些风花雪月的事。如果是冬天则要有一炉暖炭煮着黄酒,如果是夏天则要有一把娟丝的扇摇着凉风,如果是春天就遐想“无风自婀娜”的王献之诗中的桃叶姑娘,如果是秋天就戏说来江南贡院考试的才子唐伯虎的风流韵事……

    后来,我读大学时,读到了朱自清、俞平伯两位散文大师的同题美文《桨声灯影里的秦淮河》,对秦淮河有了新的感悟。这时的秦淮河,已然没了六朝的历史古韵,但仍有商女的歌声从“生涩的歌喉里机械的发出”。朱、俞是性情中人,更是道德中人,显然不适应这种缺乏情韵的歌声,他们宁愿在灯与月交融的秦淮河静静的一隅“静听那汩——汩的桨声”……于是,秦淮河的风月在我心中演变成了“汩——汩的桨声”。

    2005年大雪的一天,我走近秦淮河。时值寒冬,却人流如织。秦淮河窄窄的,不过百米,两岸灯火如炬,迷离闪烁,旧唐诗流淌的风韵有些变味儿,感觉上更似一位珠光宝气的女子。这热烈的场景令我一时竟不能适应。我心想:秦准河可以有商女有人家,但秦淮河不应该是如许艳俗的呀!

    显然,我要失望了。把秦淮河定格于美好想象的诗歌与传说中,只会是如同朱自清一样的结局了——“心里充满了幻灭的情思”。21世纪的市场经济,商业运作于古文化,秦淮河的商味浓郁得像黏稠的蜜,现代、时尚的霓虹灯五光十色,加之行色匆匆的人群、南腔北调的人语,蛊惑得秦淮河的清韵了无踪影。或许,秦淮河的唐诗宋词的妙韵全部回到诗卷中去,回到历史中去了。这日,天寒地冻,我四处寻觅也没有寻觅到曾经载过朱、俞的那种带桨的“七板子”船,因此,我放弃了船游的想法,我预见上了船去必定也感受不到杜牧的诗韵,感受不到朱、俞笔下的那感动人心的“汩汩的桨声”。

    其实,浮躁的是人心。秦淮河始终是厚重的,她沉淀了层层叠叠的历史,流逝了年年岁岁的时光,而且,还将继续把历史沉淀,把时光溶解,直到永远。秦淮河始终是静谧的,她历经千秋岁月,早已看惯了风花雪月、刀光剑影,看惯了朝野更迭、聚合离散,看惯了春风杨柳、冰霜残梅。秦淮河始终是自然的,她为城市承载了过多的奢侈,包容了过多的繁华,可这奢侈与繁华是人类给予她的呀,应该返朴的是人类,是搅了秦淮河清韵的人类。历史一页一页翻过,世事变迁,世事缤纷,灵魂属于自己,本就是走马观花的我们又何必向秦淮河寻求些什么呢?

    对秦淮河有了这样的理解,我的心蓦地清明起来。身临繁华却心如静水。而在这心的静水中,一支灵魂之桨在游弋,发出“汩汩的桨声”……

(选自《散文刊》,有删改)

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    My professor brother and I have an argument about head and heart, about whether he overvalues IQ while I lean more toward EQ. We commonly have this debate about people—can you be friends with a really smart jerk(怪物)?—but that also applies to animals as well .I'd love it if our dog could fetch the morning paper and then read it to me over coffee, but I actually care much more about her loyal and innocent heart. There's already enough thinking going on in our house, and we probably spend too much time in our heads. Where we need some role modeling is in instinct, and that's where a dog is a vivid example.

    I did not grow up with dogs, which meant that my older daughter's respectful but firm determination to get one required some adjustment on my part. I often felt she was training me: from ages of 6 to 9, she gently schooled me in various breeds and their personalities, whispered to the dogs we met with so they would charm and persuade me, demonstrated by her self-discipline that she was ready for the responsibility. And thus came our dog Twist, whom I sometimes mistake for a third daughter.

    At first I thought the challenge would be to train her to sit, to follow, to walk calmly beside us and not go wildly chasing the neighborhood rabbits. But I soon discovered how much more we had to learn from her than she from us.

    If it is true, for example, that the secret to a child's success is less rare genius than raw persistence, Twist's ability to stay on task is a model for us all, especially if the task is trying to capture the sunbeam that touches softly around the living room as the wind blows through the branches outside. She never succeeds, and she never gives up. This includes when she runs straight into walls.

    Then there is her unfailing patience, which breaks down only when she senses that dinnertime was 15 minutes ago and we have somehow failed to notice. Even then she is more eager than annoyed, and her refusal to complain shows a self control of which I'm not always capable when hungry.

    But the lesson I value most is the one in forgiveness, and Twist first offered this when she was still very young. When she was about 7 months old, we took her to the vet to be spayed(切除卵巢). We turned her over to a stranger, who was to perform a procedure that was probably not pleasant. But when the vet returned her to us, weak and tender, there was no accusation, no how could you do that to me? It was as though she already knew that we would not intentionally cause her pain, and while she did not understand, she forgave and curled up with her head on my daughter's lap.

    I suppose we could have concluded that she was just blindly loyal and obedient. But eventually we knew better. She is entirely capable of disobedience, as she has proved many times. She will ignore us when there are more interesting things to look at, scold us when we are careless, bark into the twilight when she has urgent messages to send. But her patience with our failings and carelessness and her willingness to give us a second chance are a daily lesson in gratitude.

    My friends who grow up with dogs tell me how when they were teenagers and trusted no one in the world, they could tell their dog all their secrets. It was the one friend who would not gossip or betray, could provide in the middle of the night the soft, unselfish comfort and peace that adolescence plots to disturb. An age that is all about growth and risk needs some anchors and weights, a stable model when all else is changing. Sometimes I think Twist's devotion keeps my girls on a benevolent leash, one that hangs quietly at their side as they walk fast along but occasionally pulls them back to safety and solid ground.

    We've weighed so many decisions so carefully in raising our daughters---what school to send them to and what church to attend, when to give them cell phones and with what precautions. But when it comes to what really shapes their character and binds our family, I never would have thought we would owe so much to its smallest member.